Lost on the Lunatic Fringe

As long as you stay away from the family. I don’t mean my immediate family. I always look forward to seeing them. My extended family, however, are less of a priority for me. I got to thinking about how nice today has been, a Thanksgiving with the man that I love and no bitter aftertaste. We got to talking about the various things that get me tied in knots during the holidays, and it all comes down to a couple of people in the extended family who seem to think it’s their privilege to belittle others.

Recently I had an experience at a work potluck in which I brought a tres leches cake. The cake got compliments and raves. Then a woman came up to me and told me how I should improve it so that she would like it. I thought to myself how rude that was, and how it was something I’d experienced from a number of people in my extended family all my life. It took a stranger doing it for me to realize that it was rude, and that I shouldn’t tolerate that kind of treatment from strangers or from family. I also thought about how I had been brought up never to argue with them or contradict them, and always think about their feelings. It occurred to me that they’d never considered mine, and that reciprocation might be something a reasonable person could expect.

The conclusion I came to was that if I am trying to walk away from them, I should think about just saying “Thanks for everything, have a nice life.” I need to remember that what goes around comes around, and for my own mental health, I need to cut off the diseased relationships that have never been good. Once my own obligations are met, I can walk away with a clean conscience and have my own life again. I don’t have any responsibility for their happiness, and even if I did, that would probably be best accomplished by my absence during the holidays.