Lost on the Lunatic Fringe

Last night my husband and I decided to watch Behind The Green Door. Now, there are a number of redeeming things about the film, such as a script and a plot, weak though they may be, and the fact that it was shot on film. Also, all of the people in it were adults with the body hair adults are supposed to have. We came to the mutual conclusion that the film did not appeal to us, though. The reason for this was that the people in the film were at best enthusiastic, but not skilled. Porn historically seems to be made up of people who don’t really know what they’re doing, and just go through the basic operation of getting off, but not all of them are even really doing that. While it is very nice to see a woman put her mouth on a dick, just doing an up and down motion seems rather mechanical. It isn’t exactly enjoyable to watch. There’s no real effort or investment in it. Maybe we’re just picky, but there has to be something more to it. There was, of course, plenty of cunnilingus, but none of that was skilled either. Most of it seemed to be geared towards not blocking the camera rather than actually doing something. And we wonder where people learn to be lousy in bed.
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Well, I sold my mobile home tonight. It’s bittersweet. That’s because I’m a little sad about moving to another town and leaving people I’ve grown attached to, and satisfied because I’m helping my little brother and his family to have a more affordable place to live. He’s helping me, because I needed to find a way to dispose of it before I moved. I couldn’t keep it, and it might have taken time to find a buyer outside of the family. In other words, it was convenient, with the added benefit of helping him out with ownership.
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In case you didn’t know, “fnord” is a word coined by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson. According to them, in their Illuminatus! trilogy, the word is something children are taught not to see consciously, and they continue to not see it consciously into adulthood. It is something that the unenlightened are trained to overlook as they read newspapers and books. They see it subliminally, scattered in their periodicals, and it makes them uneasy. They never know why they’re uneasy.

Nowadays it’s still in use. Sometimes you’ll see people dropping it into threads on the internet, more as an ironic statement than anything else. Of course, it appeals to the same people that the Church of the Subgenius appeals to. I can see where it would be attractive as a concept. It’s a non-conformist idea. It’s the idea that there is something more just beneath the surface or in our peripheral vision, and it denies definition. Maybe it’s the glyph for curiosity. All I know is that it’s a word I’ve come to love.

Bob Dobbs would be proud.

I got to thinking about geek stuff again. You know, the really tinfoil hat stuff. I just woke up. Bear with me.

So anyway, years ago I used to know a man who was building a laser to etch jewelry. He was friends with the computer geek I was living with. Anyway, we used to sit around in the machine shop of another friend and talk while they machined parts and generally got everyone’s clothes full of curly metal shavings that would spring out at you months later, little metal parasites that had been living in the fibers of your socks or shoes or jeans.
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Another day, another argument. Of course, in the local forum someone is talking about how what we did at Guantanamo was not torture, and that we’re fucking humanitarians for the “not torture” we carry out there. One woman, a suitably retarded old biddy, says that torture is justifiable and an effective way to get information. She says, “if my grandchild was kidnapped and this guy knew where he was, I’d torture him to get the information.” Wrong. For one thing, we’re not talking about Mexican mafia kidnappings. We’re talking about detainees suspected of or known to belong to enemy organizations, among others. If we’re talking about torture to get information, how come her approach seems to be leaning toward torture as punishment?
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.. I have to go to Walmart. This offends me, because I fucking hate Walmart. I’ll tell you why.

Walmart represents the homogenization of America. You could walk into a Walmart in California and be unable to tell which state you were in,because a Walmart in California is identical to one in Michigan. The products they sell in California are identical to the ones they sell in Michigan, with the exception of some climate-influenced items. What bothers me more is the fact that people seem to be reaching toward this uniformity, and that they appear to embrace it.
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Another year older and deeper in debt.

So I guess now is that time of year for reflection, huh? Okay. I suppose I could indulge. In my 33rd year on the planet (yes, 33. You don’t turn a year old until after you’ve lived a year. Your first birthday is the start of your second year.), I’ve learned that nothing you know is certain. There are always exceptions. There’s always so much to everything that you can’t know, so be careful in your judgment of things. I am never that careful, but I DO know better.

You can’t fix anyone else’s life, they can’t fix yours. Giving another person responsibility for your recovery/sobriety/life is a cop-out. It’s worse than a cop-out. That’s because what you’re really doing is setting up another person to take the blame when you fail. Some people are masochists that like to play that game.
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Forgive me for being full of rants lately, but it’s the way my head works.

I was thinking about the whole church/state separation and the argument about how money has “in god we trust” printed on it in violation of that principle…and I got to thinking about how most transactions these days are done in the form of credit cards or even cell phones in some countries, or online. It occurred to me that just about the only things people use cash for, the only money with the aforementioned “in god we trust” on it, are drugs or sex. I guess I could think of other things, like the stuff from coin machines or soda or a beer at the bar. You know, entertainment. Leisure. Nobody really uses cash for things like the groceries or bills. Nobody uses cash anymore for the responsible things. The money with god on it goes for all the irresponsible things, the incidental things.

I got a giggle out of that. The money they’re fighting so hard to keep god on is mostly going for drinking, drugs and sex. Why? Because cash doesn’t leave a paper trail. It’s for the stuff you don’t want a record of. You know what? Fuck it. Leave god on the money. I think it’s pretty appropriate to equate money and god anyway, in an ironic sort of way that would not appeal at all to a religious person.

I am always a little stunned at the scope of knowledge Mehdi has. We had another conversation in which he explained the inner workings of the universe. What gets me is not that Mehdi understands it. I know perfectly well how intelligent he is. What always stuns me is the fact that he can explain it in a way that keeps my attention and understanding.
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